Hinata's Chronicle of a Saturday Night
by momogo7
Summary: Hinata, being the least intoxicated person, chronicles the happenings of a Saturday night of drinking ninjas, and the morning after. Rated M for language and sexual themes no lemon ShikaIno SasuSaku NaruHina DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN NARUTO


Hinata's Chronicle of a Saturday Night

Being the shy and quiet (and sober) one of the group certainly has its advantages. Mainly it allows the person to clearly observe and note the actions of friends, foes, and strangers throughout an evening, and promptly relay said actions the next morning. And this is exactly what Hinata did one Saturday night.

***

**5:45 PM** Ino and I are on our way from our shared apartment to go get a bit to eat, making a detour to Sakura and the boys' house to see if anyone else wants to come along. Originally I was supposed to live there as well, but my father and Neji were violently against it, but I digress. The weather is fine, the sun still warm, and if all goes well, the night will be just as great.

**5:49 PM** We have arrived at our destination and by the apparent state of the others, we're the only ones sober. Sakura, Kiba, Chouji, and Sai tell us (numerous times might I add) that they have been drinking since approximately12:30 this afternoon. Sakura agrees that an empty stomach is a horrible idea when one is drinking, so the three of us head down to the nearest restaurant.

**6:13 PM** I've just picked up our food from the counter, and am making my way over to the booth that Sakura has staked out, shortly followed by Ino carrying a pitcher of Long Island Ice Tea. All seated, the conversation starts:

Ino: So, just _how_ fucked up are you Sakura?

Sakura: I'm SHITfaced, Pig. We've been drinkin' since like 12? I think… or did we start earlier? I dunno, I just know that I'm shitfaced.

Ino: I've noticed.

Me: What time is Naruto-kun, Shika-kun and Sasuke-kun coming back?

Sakura: Hell they were supposed to be done by 3, and it takes a couple hours to get back here from Suna… God I wanna fuck him dry.

Me: Sakura… not so loud…

Ino: HAHAHA! And Inner Sakura has appeared! I knew you'd rear you're ugly head sooner or later tonight.

Sakura: Like you can talk! Jus' the 'ther night you kept talkin' about how you wanted to be dipped, DIPPED, by Shika!

Me: Dipped?

Sakura: Think him dipping his thing in chocolate…

Me: Eww!

Ino: Sakura, leave Hina alone, the poor girl's trying to eat.

Sakura: Don't change the subject, you the one who said it!

Ino: I know I did, you video tapped it, remember?

Sakura: Hehe, yeah… Kami that video is so funny. So you gonna do it or what?

Ino: Dunno, I guess we'll just have to wait and see how the night turns out.

We finished our salads quickly, downed the rest of our drinks (well, I casually sipped while they split and chugged the rest of the pitcher), threw down a tip and headed out the door.

**6:31 PM** We've made it back to Sakura's house, and there have been a coupe of developments: the amount of people has drastically increased, there are two kegs in the backyard, and everyone's shirts have seemed to be misplaced. Still no sign of Naruto-kun, Shika-kun or Sasuke-kun. Simultaneous games of beer pong and flip cup are taking place, and all three of us are soon recruit to join in on the merriment. I go over to join Kakashi-sensei, Kiba-kun and Shino-kun.

Kiba: Hinata! Hurry up and get over here! We need another player on our team!

Me: How do you play?

Kakashi: You chug your beer, then balance it on the edge and flip it over with one finger. Like this…

Kiba: Also, we're playing Survivor status, so if your team looses, they have to vote of a player, but keep the cup number he same.

Me: So if then 4 people have to drink 5 cups?

Kiba: Yup! I knew you'd pick it up quick!

Sai: Only a retard wouldn't understand this.

Kakashi: Sai, where did you get that cowbell from?

Sai: I found it.

Me: What did you put in it? It sounds awful.

Sai: A vibrator. It makes Neji uncomfortable, watch.

Kiba: Poor Neji, he's never gonna be left alone.

Shino: Hmm.

**6:52 PM** The boys have finally arrived. I was the first one to be voted off of our time during flip cup, so I'm only slightly buzzed, but Ino and Sakura have long since passed from shitfaced drunk to blacked-the-fuck-out drunk. And it's only 7. The three of us in addition to 4 people I didn't know are sitting on the front porch, drinking beer (water for the girls to sober up a bit before the real festivities start) when the guys round the corner from the general direction of the Hokage's office. Spotting them first, I call out to them (suprising for me, I guess it's the liquid bravery speaking).

Me: Oh! You guys finally made it!

Sakura: My boys are HOME!!

Naruto: Hey girls! Missed us? Haha!

After giving each of them a hug, Sakura played hostess and introduced our boys to the randoms. Naruto politely shook hands with each of them before turning to loom above my seated figure. He reached out his hand for me to shake:

Naruto: And who might you be?

Me: Hehe, Hinata of course.

I extended my hand towards him, and was immediately pulled into one of those manly half shake half hugs things. Being unprepared for this, I was pulled upward too fast and staggered to in an attempt to maintain my balance, and ended up crashing into him. This is embarrassing to me under normal circumstances, but it gets worse. In the process I ended up kissing his armpit. And not fabric _over_ his armpit, for he was wearing a sleeveless shirt. Did I mention that they just got back from a mission and had not had time to shower yet? Yes, this was extremely embarrassing, and my face appropriately changed color to a deep red.

Naruto: Opps, sorry about that. It's good to se you though.

I fainted.

**6:58 PM** Ino revives me by pouring cold water onto my face.

**8:01 PM** Neji and Tenten are escorting, well Neji is anyways, Hanabi and me back to my apartment. Being the youngest out of the bunch is quite a pain when everyone else can go out while I have to wait at home (it's nearing the end of October, so only about a month left until my birthday). Kiba-kun and Shino-kun both promised to come and hang out once they tired of the bars. Hanabi is staying over tonight, so I can imagine Kia-kun will be rushing over soon, and as for Shino-kun… I just can't imagine him being at a bar in the first place.

**8:26 PM** Kiba-kun and Shino-kun have come over (I knew it wouldn't be long). Kiba-kun and Hanabi are arguing over which movie we should watch and what phrase, word or action we should base our drinking game off of.

**8:34 PM** We have decided on _Taken_, and the action will be when Liam Neeson kills a person by damaging their neck.

**9:27 PM** Hanabi and Kiba-kun are worse off than me, and I feel like the room and everything around me is spinning. Shino-kun is being enigmatic like always, and Kiba-kun is now raiding the kitchen. I wonder when Ino will finally stumble home?

**1:23 AM **Groggily I wake up to the sounds of Ino stumbling with her keys outside our apartment door. As I stretch out of my position on the couch, I asses the room: Hanabi and Kiba-kun are sprawled on the floor next to each other, both breathing loudly, and Shino-kun appears to be sleeping up right in one of our wing-back chairs. Focusing again on Ino's fumbling keys and cursing from the other side of the door, I decide to lend her a hand and open it for her.

Me: Ino, I've got it.

Ino: Oh well heeelloooo, my little Hina! Look who I brought along!!

Shika-kun stood behind Ino in the doorway, looking more and more uncomfortable as he mentally counted the people in our small living room.

Ino: I'm STARVING!! Let's make some pot stickers! Come on Shika, I know you're hungry too!

Me: Why don't you just heat up some left-overs? It's easier that way, no stove invoved.

Ino: Don't be silly! I can handle it!

Me: Okay…

I ventured back to my spot on the couch and begin flipping aimlessly through the channels. Everyone, with the exception of Kiba-kun, has been woken up by Ino's babbling and banging pots and pans in the kitchen. Curious, Hanabi ventures into said kitchen.

Hanabi: Ino, what the hell are you doing? That's not how you make them, here sit the fuck down and let me do it. Hinata! Get in here too! I'm not about to play third wheel to these drunkards!

Sighing, I lug my tired body into the kitchen and sit across from Ino at our round table, Shika-kun on my left. Uninteresting small talk ensues.

Me: How were the bars tonight?

Ino: SO MUCH FUN!! I literally only had two Vodka and Monster and I can barely function!

Shikamaru: Hnn, they were pretty strong.

Ino: Yeah! And there was a lot of dancing, you know how much I love to dance! Shika even danced with me! TWICE! Huh, Shika?

Shikamaru: Mmhmm.

Me: Oh, what a great night.

Hanabi joined us shortly carrying two plates pilled high with pot stickers, and two bowls of soy sauce. Placing one of each between Ino and Shika-kun, she rounded the table and sat on my right, pushing the food between us.

Hanabi: Careful, they're hot.

Ino: Owi cwap is bowning!!

Shikamaru: She listens so well.

Me: Yes, the temperature of her food rarely stops her.

…

…

…

Shikamaru: Well, this is a bit awkward, isn't it? I can forgivable do the awkward turtle.

Ino: Oh Oh! Or the awkward balloon, that's my favourite!!

Me: The awkward balloon?

Shikamaru: Yeah, like this…

**1:42 AM** Our front door, which apparently we forgot to lock, was kicked open, and Naruto, Sasuke and Sai burst in.

Naruto: Kiba, wake up! What are you doing asleep? It's only 1 something! We need to go out and party some more!

Kiba: What? You guys still drinking?

Sasuke: Yes, so let's go. Did you all want to come too?

Me: Where are you guys going?

Sai: There's like a fucking rave going on down the street.

Hanabi: No fucking way am I going to a stupid rave!!

Me: I'm going to have to pass too…

Naruto: Aww, what about the guys?

Kiba: I'm coming, I'm coming. Hina, don't lock the door, I'll be back in a bit. Shino, let's go.

Shino: Hmm.

Sasuke: Shikamaru, you staying or what?

Sai: Come on, don't be a fucking pussy.

Ino: He's staying, aren't you, Shika?

Shikamaru: How troublesome, I'll just stay here. It's too late already.

Sasuke: Fine. See you all tomorrow.

Naruto: Night Hinata-chan!! TEME!! WAIT UP!!

The door slammed closed behind him.

Me: Well, I guess I'm going to go to bed. Hana, care to join me?

Hanabi: Right behind you sis.

We left the kitchen, crossed through the living room and entered my bedroom. After putting on our pajamas, we went out to go brush our teeth in the bathroom, which is off of the kitchen, only to see Ino and Shika-kun ferociously sucking face at the kitchen table. Hanabi threw her hands over her mouth to smother her snort.

Me: I guess one night without brushing our teeth won't kill us.

**7:45 AM** Ino has a tendency, like Sakura, to wake up ridiculously early the next morning after drinking excessive amounts of alcohol. Barging into my room, she pounced onto my bed, and consequenty right on top of Hanabi.

Hanabi: Ugh! Get the FUCK off, you fat sow!

Ino: How can you call yourself Hina's sister with a filthy mouth like yours?

Me: Stop it you two! Ino, what happened last night? Did you guys…

Ino: Did we what?

Me: You know…

Hanabi: She's asking if you guys fucked or not!

Me: Hana! Quiet! He'll here you! He is still here, right?

Ino: Yup, sound asleep. And no, NOTHING happened last night.

Hanabi: Besides you trying to devour his face at the kitchen table?

Ino: You saw that?

Me: Yes…sorry.

Ino: S'okay, it's just you two.

Me: But you really didn't do anything?

Ino: I don't' really remember much, but I'm not sore, so I'm guessing no.

Hanabi: How boring.

**8:14 AM** Hanabi and Kiba-kun, who came back sometime around 5, have gone home, and Ino is getting ready for work at her parents flowers shop in 16 minutes, and Shikamaru is getting ready to go. I'm trying to decide what to do for breakfast, cook or go out, when I get a phone call.

Me: Hello?

Sakura: Hinata! Did Shika-kun spend the night?

Me: Yes-

Sakura: WHERE? With Ino or on the couch?!

Me: With Ino-

Sakura: I KNEW IT!! DID THEY DO IT? DID HE DIP HER?!

Sai: 5 bucks he pussied out and didn't.

Me:…Who else is there?

Sakura: Oh, everyone. In fact, hold on- I'm putting you on speaker.

Me: Okay…

Sasuke: So did he do it or what?

Me: No.

Sakura: I don't believe you. Hurry up and come over here for breakfast, and drag Shika-kun with you.

Me: Okay, we'll be over there soon.

Sakura: HAHAHA!! Bye!

Me: Good-bye.

I peek my head out my door and into Ino's room.

Me: Shika-kun?

Shikamaru: Yeah?

Me: Did you want to go to breakfast with the rest of the gang?

Shikamaru: Yeah, sure. I was planning to stop by there anyways.

Me: Okay, let me get ready and then we can walk over.

**8:19 AM** We arrive at Sakura's, but nobody's there. I notice a piece of paper taped to the door, Naruto's handwriting scribbled across it: _At the Bagel Shop_.

**8:21 AM** The group has claimed a cluster of tables outside of the busy bagel shop. Upon noticing our arrival, they begin to whistle and cat-call at us, causing my to blush a dusty red.

Sakura: There you are!!

Naruto: Bow chika bow bow!

Chouji: Wahoo!!

Sasuke: So, did you dip her or what?

Shikamaru and Me: No!

Naruto: Damn!

Sai: 5 bucks, Dickless.

Chouji: Wait, what? But I thought she wanted you?

Sakura: She did.

Sasuke: What the fuck happened? You chicken out?

Shikamaru: No, it just didn't happen.

Naruto: She was drunk and you slept in her BED and nothing happened?

Shikamaru: Yeah.

Sai: PUSSY!!!

**8:36 AM** Food in hand, we're all settling in Sakura's living room. Naruto sprawls across the couch and pulls a tomato version of myself flush against him, rapping an arm around my waist to keep me from rolling off. Sakura sits on Sasuke's lap in the loveseat next to a snacking Chouji, Shikamaru opts for the bean bag chair in the corner, and Sai rests against the coffee table while flipping through an old issue of Cosmo.

Sakura: Shika, for being a genius you're pretty stupid.

Chouji: She wanted you to dip her- AND YOU DID NOTHING!

Sai: "Lick the fabric of his underwear and breathe hot short breathes on it…" Does anyone actually do this? I think I would laugh.

…

…

Sasuke: Leave him alone- he's got a touch of downs.

Naruto:…Oh, I get it! Funny teme.

Sasuke: Baka.

Sai: "Do guys notice the differences of girls vaginas?" From my experience, there are always some minor differences, what do you guys think? You notice the differences?

The Guys Simultaneously: Yes.

Sai: Thought so. Hinata, Sakura, let's compare yours.

In 5 seconds, four things happened: Sasuke tossed Sakura aside and proceeded to belly flop on top of Sai, Sakura plunged head first behind the loveseat, Naruto lunged across me and the coffee table towards Sai (and consequently Sasuke), and I rolled of the couch, hitting my head quite hard against the previously mentioned coffee table. A trip to the hospital soon followed: Sakura driving, Naruto, Sasuke and Sai horrible beaten, and me with a concussion. An ordinary end to a weekend of drunken ninjas.

**

Author's Note: This is based on a true story, and some direct quotes were used (notice the repetition of "pussy"). That said, I have nothing against people with Down Syndrome, and I usually condemn such talk, but at the time it was absolutely hilarious. More so, because I have based this on a true encounter with my friends, the characters are a bit OOC. Especially Shikamaru, which is disappointing being that he's one of my favourite characters. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! And bash all the you want, I can take it.


End file.
